Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Number Two: The Zombie Apocalypse
The contagion seemed to come out of nowhere, but most of the former experts agreed that it originated somewhere in the Ukraine, possibly after escaping containment in a former Soviet biological weapons research facility, long derelict after being abandoned for two decades. It is also agreed that the...disease...was spread through the world's international airports, passed from traveler to traveler simply by their breath. As it turned out, the Soviet scientists did their jobs well. The disease spread like wildfire across the globe, despite the best containment efforts.
In the United States the first infections were reported in the Northeast...New York, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., along with a few other large cities. Just like the containment measures taken by the countries around the world, our also failed to stop the rapid spread of this nightmare. There had simply been too many exposed to track.
At first it was reported to be the return of the Spanish Flu...an especially virulent strain of the Influenza virus that killed around 600,000 Americans in the span of 6 months in 1918. But this was proving to be something much more aggressive than the flu. There were so many deaths in such a short amount of time, that makeshift morgues were set up outside, attended by workers in full HAZMAT gear, who piled the twisted and crumpled bodies of the victims like cord wood until they could be buried in hastily dug mass graves.
Then something strange started to happen.
No one is sure how it happened, but it did. About a week after the first deaths were reported, corpses inexplicable began regaining some form of consciousness, sat up and began walking around aimlessly. At least it seemed aimless, until the...dead...spotted someone living. When this happened, the dead became extremely violent, and much, much faster than anyone would expect from a body that had been rotting for a week. Witnesses said that when the dead caught a victim, they would tear the flesh off their bones with their fingers and teeth, in a cannibalistic feeding frenzy.
|Just when we thought it couldn't get worse...the dead came back to life...|
The Army and National Guard units were able to hold off the initial numbers of dead, but as more began coming back to life, it didn't take long for them to overrun any fortifications. It seemed as though their sheer numbers would overwhelm any firepower brought against them, which proved to be the case all over the world.
A few groups of survivors were able to escape, hiding in remote areas of the world. Groups here in the United States hid in the Pacific Northwest, the sparsely populated desert areas, and the upper Midwest. And of course, the better armed they are, the more likely they were to survive. All those zombie movies were right...if you shoot them in the head it kills them. Permanently. Nevertheless fears still remain that the supplies of ammunition and food will run out, which will lower the number of living able to survive, but it's been witnessed that the dead will starve, and their rotting corpse will shut down, but how long will it take before they all run out of food? I guess we'll have to wait and see....
-My 'guesstimated' chance of this actually happening: Well, this is a tricky one. Technically, there isn't a reason why a virus, bacteria of fungus couldn't invade the brain and take control. So, let's say 1% to 2%
-My 'guesstimated' population survival rate: The zombie apocalypse would be nearly as catastrophic as the nuclear winter. Only about 10% of the population would be able to escape the initial disease and then the hordes of flesh-eating dead. That percentage would drop as food supplies and ammunition starts to dwindle.
|Guesstimated population survival rate: 10%, but it's going to drop fast once supplies run out!|
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Here's a sample of why Punk songs may have frightened the unprepared, courtesy of Glenn Danzig and The Misfits:
See what I mean? :)
-Oh, how I love fast cars. My favorite? Right now? Probably the Ferrari 599XX. Doria's seen the wallpaper of the black one on my TV/computer. This one here:
Oh yeah, now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! *Sigh*
-Oh, how I love aircraft. Especially helicopters. One day I hope that I can afford to get lessons and learn to fly one. It's pretty expensive, though! But damn, all the possibilities that would open up with that skillset! My favorite 'chopper, you ask? It's the Bell AH-6 "Little Bird" attack helicopter.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Number Three: Alien Invasion
It's a chilly, but perfectly clear spring morning in any city of your choice. It doesn't matter which, because the outcome will be the same no matter where you chose. People are going about their usual morning business. Early risers are out jogging, people are begrudgingly commuting to their dollar-a-day jobs, worrying about things that will soon seem silly, like bills and due dates and deadlines.
Then, something happens. Everything seems to become suddenly silent, and a shadow slowly draws itself over the entire city, like a long black curtain, completely blotting out the sun. Cars screech to a halt on the roads and highways and drivers stare up in disbelief and what they see. In the sky is a huge craft of some type, with a diameter larger than the entire city itself. The sudden silence is broken by the sound of the approach of military jets, scrambled from nearby Air Force bases to intercept and investigate the gigantic intruder. As they draw close, sharp flashes of light, reminiscent of the energy weapons we've all seen in sci-fi movies, come from various spots on the object, instantly vaporizing the fighters in giant balls of flame.
|Honestly, we wouldn't stand a chance!|
Emergency sirens sound all over the city, sirens left over from the Cold War to warn of an air raid or the threat of a nuclear attack. Most citizens have never heard these sirens before, but they hardly notice because the streets have falls into pure panic and the beginnings of total chaos. New reports on the TV warn citizens to stay inside, but that is the last thing that they intend to do at this point.
It doesn't take the invaders long to reduce the city to smoldering ruins. The spacecraft makes quick work of any structure that contains life, and people are hunted on the streets by autonomous devices, which seem to be designed specifically to neutralize human presence.
None of our weapons, even our previously discussed nuclear warheads, have any effect on the alien ship. The blinding blasts simply bouncing off the ship's armor, while at the same time making the entire area radioactive. Those who survive the global invasion are forced to flee to the most remote and inhospitable corners of the planet in an attempt to survive, but given the highly advanced technology wielded by the aliens, their attempts at evasion may be short-lived.
-My 'guesstimated' chance of this actually happening: 0%. There's really nothing on this planet that such an advanced race of aliens would need, that they don't already have.
-My 'guesstimated' population survival rate: If such an thing were to happen, my guess would be that about 15%, maybe 20% would survive initially. But, the clock is ticking for them!
|Guesstimated population survival rate: 15% - 20%, but they better get real smart, real fast!|
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I miss her blue eyes, I miss the way she talks, I miss the way she smiles, I miss the way she laughs.
Somehow it helps me to feel better knowing that she knows how much I miss her, and that she misses me, too. I do know one thing for sure, though...I feel even better knowing that we'll be together again very soon! :)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Number 4: Nuclear Winter
Somewhere in the desert of the United States, a civilian rocket, carrying a satellite intended to provide consumers with GPS location for their cars and cellphones, blasts off into the night sky. On the other side of the planet, powerful, yet very outdated Russian military radar systems dating from Soviet-era detect the launch of the rocket. These systems, manned by inexperienced, poorly motivated and poorly paid Russian soldiers, commanded by officers still of the Cold War mindset, mistake the civilian launch for that of a first-strike launch of a nuclear-armed U.S. Military Minuteman III ballistic missile.
The commander of the radar systems make panicked calls to military leaders in Moscow, claiming that the United States has launched nuclear missiles against targets within Russian territory. Upon hearing this, Russian commanders order an immediate retaliatory strike against American military and civilian targets, before fully investigating the claims of the commanders of the radar outposts.
Deep in the heart of Russia, mobile nuclear missile launch platforms, with their missiles always trained on a variety of targets within the United States, even two decades after the collapse of the Soviet Union and the end of the Cold War, initiate firing commands and send their ballistic missiles skyward toward their intended destinations. American radar systems, caught offguard, see this as a Russian first strike. The President activates his "nuclear football" -- a briefcase that is handcuffed to a military advisor who is near the President 24/7 and contains all the codes and protocol necessary to affect a nuclear strike -- and orders an immediate launch of American missiles.
Throughout the United States, Minuteman silos open their doors and launch their missiles toward predetermined targets in Russia. American ballistic missile submarines, called "Boomers," scattered about in oceans all across the globe also retaliate against the Russian launches.
Within the hour, the northern hemisphere of the globe is rendered uninhabitable by radiation and nuclear fallout that will last for hundreds of years. Any living person or creature that wasn't killed by the hundreds of nuclear blasts all across their respective countries, will eventually succumb to a combination of starvation and radiation poisoning. Industry and agriculture are wiped off the face of the planet, as are most major industrial cities, including Moscow, London, New York, Washington D.C., and even Atlanta.
|The Hydrogen Bomb|
This concept of immediate nuclear retaliation was called MAD, or "Mutually Assured Destruction." It was the horror story that played through the minds of previous generations -- those who lived under the threat of nuclear annihilation during the Cold War. But, don't think that just because the Soviet Union has collapsed, that the world is safe from such a fate. Far from it. Within the "new" Russia, parts of the Soviet mindset remain alive and well. Large numbers of Commanders in the Russian military are the very same ones that taught Soviets to hate Americans. And as for us here in the United States, our Minuteman missiles are right where they were 30 years ago...still holding patient vigil for a moment that we had better hope never comes.
-My 'guesstimated' chance of this scenario playing out: Slim, about 5%. If this was the 1950s or 1960s, I'd say much higher.
-My 'guesstimated' population survival rate: Slim to none. Initially, about 2% to 3% for those who had enough warning AND had prepared accordingly. However, this will drop to 0% once their supplies run out and they are forced to abandon their hiding spots.
|Guesstimated population survival rate: 2% - 3% initially, dropping to 0% later.|
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Over the next few days I'll present to you, my list of the "Top 5" ways that I think that our "civilization" (or lack thereof) will ultimately meet its demise, starting with number 5.
Number 5: The Petroleum Meltdown
Yes, it's true...our entire society, along with the societies of every other industrialized nation, survives only as long as there is petroleum available, at a reasonable cost, to fuel industry. Think about it this way...petroleum is somehow involved in every single aspect of your life every day. Your car runs on gasoline, the engine is lubricated with oil. All the tractor trailers that are delivering products and goods to stores are fueled by diesel. Aircraft, which are also transporting goods as well as passengers, fly only with fuel for their very thirsty engines. Most passenger trains and freight trains require diesel to operate. You get the idea.
|When oil wells go dry, we'll be in serious trouble, very quickly|
Marshall law will quickly be declared, but there aren't enough police, or even military, to contain the violence of an entire population enraged over their loss of everything. The only ones who will ultimately survive will be the ones who are smart enough, cunning enough, and possibly violent enough, to make a spot for them in the new life that emerges, which I imagine will be a lot like the Wild West of the 1800s.
-My 'guesstimated' chance of this happening: Well, there is a 100% chance that oil wells WILL eventually run dry, but hopefully by then we'll have other options for fueling our economy. My guesstimate for this exact scenario playing out is 30%.
-My 'guesstimated' population survival rate: 75%
|Guesstimated population survival rate: 75%|
Monday, June 13, 2011
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have an AutoCAD monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast, clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in its own cage. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a Manager!"
There ya have it! The AutoCAD Monkeys!
Let's take a look at a couple of Minor Threat tracks, two of my favorites, that show two different styles of the band. First off, their self-titled song, from their self-titled album...Minor Threat, on "Minor Threat" by Minor Threat. Okay, here we go:
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Also notice that in this video, Glen Matlock is playing bass instead of Sid Vicious. I'm not sure when this video was recorded. It was either during a period where Sid and Johnny weren't getting along (which was a lot), or after Sid had died from the overdose.
On another note, this weekend was pretty great! I got to spend a lot of time with a very awesome woman, who I've been dying to spend more time with. Last night we went to see Rehab at Wild Bills. Pretty good show! The two opening acts were definitely different, though! But yeah, I'm pretty thoroughly happy about the whole weekend, and it's because of the person I spent it with :)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
I don't think I can mention enough just how SICK I am of hearing the Five Finger Death Punch cover of Bad Company by...Bad Company.
It has to I've the WORST cover of any song ever recorded by a horribly mediocre and genetic sounding band. They even changed some lyrics to try and sound more trendy. Fuckers. Yet the radio stations play it like it's the only thing around.
I've gotten good at switching stations every single time it comes on.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
|The "New Hard Times." They really were for me. They still are for a lot of people.|
Monday, June 6, 2011
|Zombie Uncle Sam wants YOU to be ready for the Zombie Plague!|